AT SEA LIMERICKS
A lusty young sailor called Dan
had a clever and neat little plan
he'd find a girl boozin'
ask her to come cruisin'
and score on his catamaran!
Cabin-boy Billy was chosen
was washed and deloused with a hosin'
twas useless to fight
he was spending the night
with the over-sexed ugly old bosun!
A pirate, a randy old codger
had a very impressive long todger
he'd call into port
find himself a nice sort
and give her a good jolly roger!
To his cabin the gruff captain called him
Wined him and dined him, then balled him
"rape" he did say
and the very next day
with a sly grin the captain keelhauled him!
A gunner had hid his new bride
as his warship did sail with the tide
fired his cannon and heard
a screaming f-word
he'd forgotten that she was inside!
The Maritime Board held a trial
the lawyers produced a huge file
sex, drugs and rock
captain Ahab at dock
the judge said " Ahoy...like your style!"
The crew on the cruiser did rig it
The crowd on the dock seemed to dig it
A lady said "What
would you call such a yacht?"
A sailor close by mumbled "Frig it!"
A sailor from somewhere in Devon
from his carrier went straigh to heaven
"Just how did you die?"
he replied "Sadly, I
didn't notice the F-111"
A gunner sat there, drinking tea
as the battle raged on endlessly
the bosun yelled "Son...
they're three to our one!"
He looked up and said "Got my three!"
A pirate had buried some treasure
he'd dig the chest up at his leisure
then open the lid
where his blow-up doll hid
and there on the beach take his pleasure!
A one-legged pirate's wife, randy
saw her man was the worse from the shandy
not wanting to beg,
she grabbed his peg-leg
he watched and said "Blimey, tha’sh handy!"
A sailor woke up in a funk
the previous night he'd been drunk
tried all over town
but the girls turned him down
so he'd tossed himself off in his bunk!