SCHOOL LIMERICKS
The students all raced out the door
the teacher just watched them and swore,
so much loss of face -
he couldn't give chase
they'd nailed both his feet to the floor!
The Headmaster tried some fast talk,
the school bully just wouldn't baulk,
he grabbed Tony Mantz
and pulled down his pants
and filled up his asshole with chalk!
In history class I was bored
who cares about Huns and their hoard?
Give me pirates and ships
lashing convicts with whips
and sticking a guy with a sword!
The SWAT team deployed on the grass
the sergeant peered in through the glass
the Head said: "Well, Sarge,
it's a serious charge -
that kid in there's chewing in class!"
The headmaster shouted at Billy:
"You've scared poor Miss Wineburger silly!
now, what could be meaner
than cutting a weiner
and telling her it was your willie!"
The student came out with a speech,
'bout Shakespeare and how he could teach
"his poems and prose
and dramas and shows
use great words like: 'sooth' and 'beseech!"
The teacher was really downhearted,
his class had stood up and departed,
there wasn't a bell,
they ran from the smell,
he really should never have farted!
The Science Professor was sad,
experiments sometimes went bad,
but this one was cruel,
it burned down the school,
and now the Department was mad!
Timmy thought math was a breeze,
but his test papers always got D's -
he'd sometimes confuse
his ones with his twos
and his fives with his sevens and threes!
They gave the art teacher the sack,
for "taking class down the wrong track"
he'd told them that white
was traditional shite
and to paint all their art in jet black!
Our teachers were crabby old nuns,
so I made them a batch of cream buns,
and just to be silly,
I laced them with chili
it didn't half give 'em the runs!
Debating teams formed into pairs,
and sat on the stage on their chairs,
they argued and fenced
about for and against
I shouted out loudly: "Who Cares?"
The teacher called Johnny a fool
"You must use your brain like a tool!"
"But Einstein was great
no big graduate -
in fact he dropped right out of school!"
