I planted a nice lemon tree
but no fruit was happening, see
these days I’m much wiser
coz that’s where I go for a pee!
Fine orchids are lovely and chic
the colors are rare and unique
the flowers last less than a week!
I planted some tulips last Fall
the wife doesn’t like them at all
it’s driving her right up the wall!
I grew me some carrots and beet
and cabbages too, they were neat
but was robbed by the kids down the street!
My blood plums were early this year
which brought the whole neighborhood here
not the plums – the neighbors – on beer!
My garden will really stand out
I’ve put in a huge waterspout
we’re still in the middle of drought!
I trimmed up my hedge, as you do
into animal shapes, like a zoo
tried to ride on the green kangaroo!
I ordered some dahlias from France
the bandicoots all had a dance
we love eating imported plants!”
My fig tree was laden with figs
I gave some to old Mrs. Griggs
she said: “What a waste –
it’s like feeding strawberries to pigs!”
My sewer was blocked by a root
I bypassed the thing with a chute
but God, they grow well –
though I’m too scared to eat any fruit!
I planted a seed, I was bored
and grew a miraculous gourd
it was shaped like a whale
and I won a Greenpeace award!
I ordered some new bulbs by mail
and tried to grow orchids large scale
or battered with blizzards and hail!