The island that Doctor No had
was swampy and smelled rather bad,
and Honeychile came – barely clad!
Bond gave her a lovely Rosetta,
then dined her on champagne and Feta,
and finished her with his Beretta!
The Russian girl brought Bond a Lector,
but it was a plan worked by Spectre,
the love-making bloody near wrecked her!
As usual, Bond got the bird,
excelling in bed, so I’ve heard,
and left her there, shaken, not stirred!
His watch was a Rolex, it’s true,
with special tricks that it could do,
exquisitely fashioned by Q!
One night, playing Chemin de Fer,
James heard a cute spectator purr,
I’ll bet on my chances with her!”
At Rummy, Goldfinger was poor,
so he kicked in the Fort Knox front door,
James dodged Oddjob’s hat
and ended with Pussy Galore!
When M said: “I think I’ve been conned.”
it prompted old Q to respond:
“You think you’ve been ripped?
And fleeced, stung and gypped?
The culprit is easy: James Bond!”
They buried James Bond, it was nice,
but he took the sailor’s advice:
“Try holding your breath,
remember – You Only Live twice!”
Her cries echoed right through the halls,
a bobby then answered her calls,
he asked: “What’s the crime?”
James Bond has got two Thunderballs!”
A phone call to MI6 said:
“James Bond has been shot, and he’s dead.”
I would have sent Leiter instead!”
His body lay there in the crypt,
and Q said: “I feel I’ve been gypped.
and it had a hell of a script!”
Bond dated a nurse known as Pat,
she told him to marry her, stat,
and frankly, a little too fat!
Oddjob was a really big meanie,
he killed with his razor sharp beanie,
Bond toasted his death with martini!
The health farm was somewhere in Devon,
the dietary nurse was in Heaven,
The Asian guy acted so tough,
but he sauntered off in a huff,
The World, when you’re mad’s Not Enough!”
Of caviar, Bond had his fill,
the waiter came up with the bill,
coz I have a License to Kill!”
The waiters had evil intent,
and both were exceedingly bent,
and over the ship’s side they went!
His car was incredibly neat,
and went like a gun down the street,
and my favorite ejector seat!
Up high in the Austrian Alps,
Bond hunted the Spectre guys’ scalps,
his mission was plausible
Jim, maybe – but NOT Mr. Phelps!
Bond loved a few ladies – well, many,
and knock-backs he never got any,
James Bond had to wed Moneypenny!
The Minister said: “Things are tough,
our budget’s been cut, and it’s rough,
Bond said: “What the hey,
so frankly, I don’t give a stuff!”
The Man with the big Golden Gun
shot people for work and for fun,
against odds of a thousand to one!
When Bond got the Diamonds for them
the Treasury boss said to M:
“Those gay guys were fools,
and as for James Bond – he’s a gem!”
When Bond was held captive in ‘Nam
they traded him out of the jam,
“They played with my head
and fed me rice crackers and Spam!”