An ostrich was timed in a run
he went like a shot from a gun
and a driver's been sacked
next year he's in Formula One!
A woodpecker tapped on my door
complaining his beak was so sore
"Those light poles aren't real
they're made out of steel
don't you guys cut down trees any more?"
A mocking bird went to the Doc
he'd given his head quite a knock
he'd lost all his talent to mock!
He vitamized birds into mush
and swallowed them down with a rush
"You see that white rash there? That's thrush!"
A magpie was out late at night
he'd had a few drinks and was tight
I'm white with black and black with white!"
I peered in a cage at the zoo
and asked the large bird: "What are you?"
He said: "You're a fool!"
poked his tongue out and yelled: "I’m a smew!"
A pigeon pair filed for divorce,
she said he was faithless, of course,
and swore that she snored like a horse!
A jackdaw a rook and a loon
met in the casino at noon
he cheated them all at pontoon!
A swan headed southward with glee
but soon stopped to land in the sea
I never keep up with the vee!"
A pullet complained to its mum:
"The life of a hen's really glum
you have to extrude from your bum!"
A buzzard sat down in a diner
said: "Please do not label me 'whiner'
plus a burger with coffee is finer!"
A nightingale said to its mate
"It's really a sad twist of fate
that sounds great around noon
but we never start singing till late!"
A mallard complained: "Pond life sucks!
too noisy - all croaking and clucks
and hunters who like to shoot ducks!"
The church hall was crowded that day
the sermon was "Lay and let lay"
passed the plate and then said:
"We must now thank the Lord, let osprey!"
The beaters were coming amass,
the quail ran off through the grass,
when one heard their cries
he yelled, closed his eyes,
and ran straight up another one's ass!
The bald eagle board passed a motion
to holiday down by the ocean
compulsory sunscreening lotion!